My faith in God grew today and gee it felt nice.
At the start of the month I had a realisation that I am afraid to really know myself, to really discover what is the honest truth about myself. I’m scared because I am worried that all the ‘bad’ things (unloving things I have done) that I have learned about myself and also believe about myself are the only truth there is and that there is no good in me at all.
I realised that this fear prevented me from really seeing, feeling and knowing how God feels about me, which ironically is the real truth.
I wanted to challenge this fear, I wanted to know how and who I am really supposed to be….not who I’ve become because of false beliefs and emotional injury. But how? I was told by a good friend – Prayer. Prayer was the only way to accept the real truth. I felt overwhelmed by this, like what do I ask for? What do I say? I mean I have prayed before, I know how to pray, but of late my prayers had felt empty, and unheard.
My guides name is Celeste….she told me to pray for courage. Why courage? Well because it takes courage to see the truth you know to be painful, your personal truth, and often it is the personal truth that blocks God from giving us absolute truth. If personal truth is painful it is because it is out of harmony with Love and it takes courage to feel how that feels, but Celeste assured me if I could embrace the feeling no matter how painful, if I could display the courage to feel it, then this would allow God to show me her truth.
Celeste also told me when I see my prayers being answered, when I see my hearts questions being answered, then I’ll feel heard by God and my faith in God will grow, which will strengthen my desire to grow and know myself better, and I will then long to embrace God’s love and truth.
Now this all sounds easy but I gotta tell you it’s not. For the last 17 days I have been asking, praying to know who I am….who I really am, and all that blocks and prevents me from seeing this. Well it has been a roller coaster to say the least, I have felt disillusioned, lost, alone, of no value, all of which was quite painful to let myself feel. But today it changed!
Today God showed me how God sees me. Today I prayed again to know who was I created to be….and I was shown and it was amazing. I felt such joy, and excitement at the potential that lies in me, and I felt love from God for who I am and love for myself for who I am and I also felt I am of value to God. Consequently my faith in prayer, my faith in truth and my faith in God grew.
Even as I write this, it is still only now sinking in that the last 17 days my prayers were being answered….I was being shown all that blocked me from seeing it Gods way…from seeing me how God sees me. I expected an answer straight away (and I got one daily) I just didn’t think I did because it wasnt necessarily the answer I thought I should or would get. I expected to just know God’s view point without acknowledgement of all the things that blocked me from already knowing. The courage to keep feeling, got me to the place where I could finally see the truth…God’s truth….which has strengthened my faith and allowed me to trust. Ah to trust something, someone…..to trust God. That my friend for me is definitely worth rating!!!
Now I still have more room in my heart to accept more of that truth about myself I know, but my golly gosh did my trust and faith in God feel more certain than it has in some months.
So if you think your prayers are not being answered then perhaps you’re expecting a different answer like I was…but even if this is the case don’t give up, cause sooner or later you will come to realise you are being heard. And then your faith will grow, giving you a little more trust in the whole process of learning about Love and learning about God and discovering yourself.